Jeff on narcotics

We have the first appearance of JQs, that is Jeff Quotes. These were said in a narcotic induced state and are only being posted with his permission.

Here is some background. Do to some over exertion Christmas weekend, Jeff still has a very sore neck. With the diet that he is on he is really not suppose to take any medicines that are in pill or liquid form because they will all contain potato starch, corn starch, and/or sugar. The catch is if the substance never hits his stomach and intestines it is fine. We have had one trip to urgent care were he received a muscle relaxer, an anti-inflammatory, and a pain reliever all in injection form - which gave him some relief but resulted in a sore backside for a few days and a 103 fever for 24 hours. Not really wanting to go that rout again, he has be seeing a chiropractor and is taking a nasal spray narcotic pain reliever, which also has some nasty side effects and is very unpleasant to take. Last night while on the pain reliever he was hilarious. He had climbed into bed around 8:30 and about 9:00 the show started. Here is a rough breakdown of the next hour and a half. ENJOY!!

9:00 - Calls me into the room and asks me to help him take off his shirt because, "It is all sticky and covered in Clara's tooth paste. I already used Clara's tooth paste, you know the one that is not mint." I help him take off his shirt politely say good job (over the years Jeff has been on a lot of medication and I have found just agreeing works best when he is sleep talking).

9:10 - Calls me back in and asks, "Can you go get Clara's tooth paste? I need it for my back."
I reply, "Yes honey I will be back in a little bit."

9:25 - Calls to me again, and I think I asked him if he was awake. He replied, "Yes I just can't open my eyes, are you getting the tooth paste?"
"Yes, Honey" and I start to leave.
He says "Your lying!"
"Honey you are asking me to rub Clara's tooth paste on your back."
"No, the tooth paste that is in the silver dollar container!"
"Do you mean the Tiger Balm?"
"YES!"

9:35 - I go in with the Tiger Balm and am rubbing it on his neck and he tells me about this dream he had, "We were in Toledo, Spain, and we were trying to by swords, but they wouldn't sale us any because our legs were wrong."
Thinking he was really some what awake I replied, "You gotta love narcotics."
"No they were swords men, not drug dealers."
I tried to explain I meant he was having crazy dreams on narcotics, I don't think he got it.

9:45 - I finished the massage, and told him I would be in in a little bit. He replied, "Do we have any ice cream?" My mind is racing here trying to figure out how to tell him he can't have the ice cream that is in the freezer because, well, he can't have ice cream; but he saved me with, "NO, BLUEBERRIES!!! I really want some blueberries."
"OK, but they will be frozen"

I go get him some blueberries, just a few, in a bowl and bring them in.

9:47 - He pops up as if nothing is wrong his eyes are still closed and I hand him the bowl of blueberries. "Oh, honey you are the greatest, and they are even in a bowl!"
"Yes they are in a bowl, I will be in in 10 minutes to check on you and come to bed."

10:05 - (I was a little late). I come in and he is sitting up in bed just as I had left him, the blueberries are gone and he has a folded blanket around his shoulders. I must have startled him when I came in because he jumped and said with his eyes still closed, "Oh, hi Hun. I woke up sitting up and I was eating the most delicious blueberries! And then I thought I was the king of Rohan, but I knew I really wasn't the king of Rohan. Why is this blanket over my shoulders, is it because I am the king of Rohan?"
"No, you are not the king of Rohan. Lie down and go back to sleep."
"I don't want to go to sleep, I want some cheese."
"No honey, you need to go to sleep."
I finally get him down, and get into bed.
I hear a pouted, "I really want some cheese, I'm going to go get some, what do we have?"
I list of what is in the fridge.
"What should I go eat?" as he is pathetically trying to get out of bed.
"Stay in bed I will go get you some cheese." (aren't I a good wife?)
"No you are in bed, I will get it my self."
I quickly get out of bed to beat him up, "You should not be holding a knife right now I will go get you a slice of cheddar."
"Oh, OK."

He mumbled a few more things after finishing his cheese and finally went to sleep around 10:30. It took awhile for me to fall asleep because I kept rehashing everything that had happened so I could write it down the next day - and it is very hard to fall asleep when you are laughing.